Jokes!

Discussion in 'Pointless Fun' started by BORIS13, Nov 13, 2012.

  1. Skaara Dreadlocks

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    I dunn get it... ._.
     
  2. NuclearWastE3

    NuclearWastE3 The Toxic Avenger
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    :lol: A nu cheeki breeki iv damke! :lol:



    Do you guys get it? haha, it's funny. Ha-...hahaha























































    What did the left nut say to the right nut?

    "Don't talk to the guy in the middle, he's a real dick."
     
  3. Bamul

    Bamul S.T.A.L.K.E.R.
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    So glad you just resurrected this thread, it's one of those typical off-topic ones that should have never died and some of the jokes here are pure gold. :lol:

    Here's one I just found in Polish but translated to English:

    A drunk guy goes to see his girlfriend…
    but she didn’t prepare herself in time,
    so she opens the door wrapped in a towel and says:
    “Please, come into the living room. I’m going to the bathroom, finish putting my makeup on and in 20 minutes at most I’ll be ready.”
    The guy sits on the sofa in the living room and realises that he needs to defecate. He thinks:
    “Kurwa, what a disaster, here I am at babe’s house, the toilet’s taken and I’m about to shit myself.”
    Suddenly he notices the dog sitting on the rug, so he thinks:
    “I’ll shit on the rug and blame the dog.”
    He executes his plan.
    The girl leaves the bathroom, looks and exclaims:
    “What the fuck is this?!”
    To which the guy replies:
    “Well, your dog had a shit…”
    The girl responds:
    “Kuuurwa, the plushie?!”
     
  4. NuclearWastE3

    NuclearWastE3 The Toxic Avenger
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    Heck ya! It's been 2 years since the last post on this thread. I always wondered why it became abandoned; nonetheless, lets get on with the jokes. BTW, that was a good one :D Haha, I can picture the situation perfectly. Kurwa!!

    Some "In Soviet Russia" jokes are next. A school mate told me these back when I was in middle school.
    ----------------------------
    In Soviet Russia, T.V watch you.
    In Soviet Russia, radio listen to you.
    In Soviet Russia, telephone speak to you.
    ----------------------------
    (I also suck at jokes :p )

    The other day, I was thinking of what might be the worst and most dangerous job of the future. Not the future of 10-years from now....No. I'm talking about the future where the machines have risen and taken over the world (the exact same one in which the Terminator universe is based in). Anyway, you know how one of the best ways to detect a Terminator is to have a dog (animal) detect the Terminator's mechanical presence, right? The dog barks and barks, which, in turn, alerts the humans to gear up and blow the android to smithereens.

    Now, just imagine how your average day would be if your job is to deliver mail (in other words, a mail courier). I bet the mortality rate for that career would be extremely high.
     
  5. Von Streff

    Von Streff Well-Known Member
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    My dad told this one recently:

    Guy goes to the hospital to get a check up. Doctor says "It's $50 for an examination". So the guy lies down, doctor looks him over, then steps back when a cat jumps on the table. The cat looks at the patient's head, walks down to his chest, looks there too. He does this all the way to the guy's feet, then leaves. The doctor writes some stuff down, says "You're healthy. That'll be $100".

    "$100? But you said $50? What's the extra for?"

    "$50 for the examination, and $50 for the cat-scan".

    Yepppp... pretty bad :p
     
  6. Skaara Dreadlocks

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    An old man was at his summer cabin where he had his own tiny lake/large pond. The house didn't have any built-in water system so he always had to go to the lake with a bucket in each hand to get water.
    One day when he walked down there with the two buckets as usual, he found three young beautiful girls bathing naked in his little lake.
    "Hey, get out of my lake!" the old man yelled to the girls.
    "We won't come out of the water unless you turn around!" they replied while hiding their bodies underwater.
    "Oh, I'm not here to look at you," the old man says as he lifts the buckets into the air "I'm just here to feed my alligators"
    :lol: